power to my dollar

pay day has arrived. i got my salary! my first pay as a non-NSF. oh, the joy, the pleasure. utterly indescribable.

during the long week that i spent searching for a job after my ORD, i felt helpless, poor and slightly desperate. i had to survive on what little that my parents could provide me with. my spending habits had to be put on a tight leash. it's also just not right to sit around and rot while waiting for my parents to lay some cash on the table. "i'm a degenerate," i thought to myself.

not being on a payroll made me feel vulnerable. not that the SAF allowance was empowering; in fact, it's far from that, as every NSF should know. not unless you're an ociffer. who sits around in an air-conditioned office and gets paid more than one grand every month while your peers slog it out in the mud for half of that. who gets so much cash, you start 'planning for your future' of fast cars and big houses. who can easily date 3 girls at the same time and still have enough spare cash to get yourself a designer blazer. who can easily afford your mobile phone bill that you stopped using your fixed line at home/office to make outgoign calls. faggots.

i took the paycheque into my hands and felt a surge, like something hit me square on the jaw. the all-mighty omnipotent shopping mood. thrift season's over. oh yes. yes. my want list flooded my head. puma jacket, blah blah. but i had to control myself. the great singapore sale is only in a few months. i guess i can wait. it's always better to get value for my dollar.

underworld evolution

it's perhaps slightly late for me to catch this show, but nonetheless, i still did. how could i miss it, especially since it's starring kate beckinsale?

the action scenes were aplenty and full of gore. with CGI monsters in almost every screenshot, this is a top-draw guy flick. hands down, it's way better than ultraviolet. sorry milla. the outfits of the female leads are comparable though. milla's flaunts her toned abs while katie's is simply made of leather. skin-tight leather. ok, enough already.

there's no doubt that katie's pretty. and when she cries, my heart just melts like M&Ms.

i don't know how she does it, but she makes the british accent sound so sexy. reeelly.

it'll be nice to have a girlfriend with blue eyes. fangs would be a bonus.

it was Nothing much, really.

poptart last night was a little disappointing, even though i was on the guestlist and got in free. the malaysian DJs were poor, nothing like adrian wee and zaidi. they played lousy tunes. the dancefloor took ages to warm up. even after midnight, nobody was dancing. first came the usual crowd favourites to pull them to the floor. then the DJs started playing shit. total crap. i got bored. the malay guys (who are usually enthusiastic, if not over-enthusiastic) were standing still, crossing their arms. people were leaving way too early. the club was getting cold.

i figured adrian wee stayed around to make sure these fools wouldn't ruin a party with a reputation that he took so long to build. he went up to the decks to point out the dwindling numbers to the idiots, who seemed totally oblivious. then came the safe songs. all of these were two or three years old, but since we hardly hear these at poptart, the music lovers stayed.

alas, the vicious cycle continued. the DJs started playing their own brand of bullshit again. guanming observed that they couldn't blend and mix the tracks. they were just playing them off CDs. even i can do that! while he left in disgust, i stayed, hoping for some miracle. it became apparent that adrian and zaidi were content to let the malaysians run the show. damn.

after much deliberation, i decided to call it quits. rachel agreed, thankfully. with assignments due monday on her mind, she couldn't totally enjoy herself, bad music notwithstanding.

still, there were some bright spots in an evening of weak songs and even weaker DJing. i met a few pals: min and bruce, and pins. here's a shoutout to y'all!

violet is ultra, but not the movie.

i watched ultraviolet last night. i decided to download it after i saw milla jovovich in the poster. she's stunning. and the movie hasn't opened in sunny singapore yet.

bearing in mind that i hadn't read any of the reviews on the internet, i watched it with an open mind. i wasn't expecting much; i could tell from the poster that this should be some b-grade sci-fi flick. computer-generated background, check. cheesy tagline ("the blood war is on"), check. milla jovovich, check.

i didn't really understand the show. i knew it was bad. but i just had to confirm it. yahoo movies gave it a D rating. ok, enough said. i shall not put it down further. every movie, no matter how shitty it is, deserves a good opening, regardless of the number of naive ignorant minds that they have to trick.

the film was terrible but violet (milla jovovich) was ultra. the costume designers did a brilliant job of flaunting milla's figure. every outift she wore on set was midriff-baring and flashed little cleavage. fair enough, since she's mostly flat-chested. not that i mind. i'm not a boobs guy.

oh. my. god. killer abs. HOT.
no, not the janet jackson-esque masculine six-pack. yuck. hell no.
this is milla's toned tummy. zero percent fat there. no need for osim u-zap.

strike a pose milla!

it's such a waste that milla only acts in cheesy sci-fi flicks. her acting resume reads like a disaster, so unlike her modeling career. please start acting in better films milla!

bang, bang! my baby shot me down...

the bum has taken off

time to start playing kaiser chief's album 'employment', because i'm officially employed! today's my first day. not too much to do, but it beats rotting at home and not earning a cent. it's better to be paid to rot in the office.

yay! it's such a relief. after groping around for a job for a week, one just plops onto my lap. thanks to my dad. thanks to the fact that he has friends in the right places. or friends who are their own bosses and make their own decisions. and don't need to do countless senseless interviews just to pay me a measly $5 an hour.

my work should start tomorrow. i'll be doing stocktaking, inventory and stuff. accounting for diving equipment mostly. the only gripe i have is that my workplace is at pandan loop. near NUS, but who cares? it's miles from my house.

iSpoof

the iPod commercials have been eye-catching. no wonder spoofs are popping up everywhere.

iMao: very soon there'll be a specially designed pocket on the uniforms so soldiers can listen to communist songs while on guard. chic.

iDarth: it seems the wonders of the iPod transcend time and space. now we know someone's enjoying his favourite tunes while fending off jedi, long long ago in a galaxy far far away.


iPod+iTease=iPorn
this is possibly the most explicit post that i'll ever make, thanks to the ingenious video above. i think i just earned a M18 rating for my blog.

the bumming saga continues...

it's been more than a week since my ORD and for people who know me well enough, it's no surprise that i'm still bumming. i'm not totally slacking though. i've been actively seeking a job here and there and i realise that it's mighty tough to get a temp one in sunny singapore.

interviews, interviews, interviews. it's as if my role in the company is going to be sooo pivotal that any tiny mistake that i make will plunge it into bankruptcy. oh please! i'm only getting paid $5-6 an hour, and i'm gonna be working for less than three months. so what if you made a wrong choice with me? my pay is peanuts and i'll be gone before you know it. the damage that i could potentially inflict would be minimal. just remember not to hire me next time then!

shit man, i seriously don't see what's the all fuss about hiring temp staff. just decide whether you want me or not. is it so difficult to choose between a yes or no?

my dad's taking me to his friend's diving company tomorrow. he claims that i'll be doing no diving but my pay will be higher than what i can get elsewhere. it sounds promising. we'll see.

truman capote

i continued with my oscar movie fest today with capote. it's about truman capote, one of america's most famous writers for defining the non-fiction fiction book. that is to say, the dramatic non-fiction novel.

the acting by the cast was very strong. philip seymour hoffman is truly deserving of his academy award. even though i never knew what truman capote was like, hoffman did an excellent job in portraying capote as a very humane and feeling person. he managed to show the psychological torture that capote suffered while writing his masterpiece which took five years to complete.

i would say clifton collins jr's performance was underrated. he was brilliant as perry smith, one of the murderers. he put forth a criminal who was disgusted with his actions and yet felt that the victim of it all was himself.

this film shows that there are always two sides to a story and it's always hard for the law to decide what's right or wrong in black and white, because we all know the world is made up of millions of colours and possibilities.

fun with scissors and a razor

don't worry, i didn't cut anybody. and no, i'm not a sadomasochist. i only inflict pain for pleasure sometimes, not all the time.

anyway, this is what i did with a pair of scissors and a Mach3 razor. i gave my brother more style to his ridiculous recruit haircut. notice his sharp sideburns. yes i did it. i'm guilty, but you can't deny my skill.

Lai Wah Restaurant

ever been to a restaurant where it claims to have done yam-pot, venison hor fun and yu-sheng first? i just went there for dinner. it's funny how i knew there was a restaurant near my place since i was a kid (or maybe even before that), but i never actually ventured down there until today. and for the record, i'm 21 this year. thankfully, i didn't take that long to discover the grocery store.

well it has been around for quite some time, and it shows. the interiors threw me back into the 70s. check out the 'exit' sign. it's not an eerie green like most of the signs around today. also, the waitresses are old enough to be our grannies.

the icing on the cake is the toilet sign. i felt like putting on retro aviator shades and donning an afro-wig. oh, add a floral shirt too.

clockwise from left: sweet and sour fish, a demolished yam-pot and hot plate venison. the interiors didn't really bother me. it's the food that mattered most. i have to say the 'makansutra excellent rating' sign on the door did not deceive. the pieces of fried fish were as light and crispy as potato chips. the prawns in the yam-pot were fabulously crunchy. i haven't had prawns like that in ages. and the venison was juicy. damn i'm missing it already!

the best part of it all was the bill. with a sign proclaiming 'no GST, no service charge', i was expecting cheap eats. i wasn't disappointed; the total was $40 for three people.

but the sad part of it is that there were just two tables occupied during dinner time. my mom was wondering how they're gonna survive. so people, please support this place with a rich heritage. i know i will! it's at blk 44 bendeemer road, near boon keng mrt. i don't want gloriously delicious cantonese fare to vanish from my vicinity. and if anyone of you comes over to my place next time, i'm gonna take you guys there. it's cheap, the food's fantastic, and that's enough reason for singaporeans to love it.

everything but the boy

after Date Movie, i just sat at my pc, contemplating whatever a man of my infinite powers would be contemplating (does this phrase sound familiar? i borrowed it from kill bill. hehe). and guess what, the NYP handphone video crossed my mind. not for the first time, but the first time that i will be seeing it from a different angle.

if you think i'm adding this post to just boost my hits, then i shall not use 'tammy' or 'NYP sex video'. oops, i just did.

anyway, i'm gonna examine the boy's side of the saga. everybody has been talking about the girl, how she shouldn't have recorded it, how she lost her modesty online, how she can't face the world and how she's undergoing counselling. but what about the boy? he has been left almost completely out of the hype and discussion. we don't even know his name! or maybe some of you kaypoh ones do. still, almost no one has even considered how he's feeling or coping with the psychological blow. it's as if people assume the guy's the strong one. heck if i were on an internet porn video, i would be shattered. my wiener would be all over the world and i wouldn't be getting a cent from it.

the whole video issue is pretty much dead now if you ask me. the fifteen minutes of unwitting fame is coming to a close. but it still pains me to know that the boy's ordeal wasn't given much consideration. all this in the age of the sensitive new age guy bullshit.

date movie

1 star for originality.
5 stars for mindless hilarity. or as some of you would rather call it, toilet humour.
and utterly corny too.

i laughed my ass off for most of the show, except the few moments where the jokes were so bad, they were just way lower than the deep south.

they spoofed tonnes of movies: mr and mrs smith, my big fat greek wedding, meet the parents, meet the fockers, king kong, dodgeball, wedding crashers, kill bill, bridget jones' diary, love actually, hitch, wedding planner, lord of the rings and star wars. and this being a spoof of those crappy romantic movies, the producers had to poke fun at celeb couples. ben and gwen, bennifer 1, bennifer 2, tomkat, brangelina and, um, ben and matt, kobe and shaq. all match-made by hitch, the date doctor. "i'm hitch, bitch!"

one actress whom i noticed was sophie monk (formerly of the girlband bardot from down under) for obvious reasons. she's sizzling hot. the cheese in the burger looks like it's melting. yes, i do fall for the odd blonde bondshell (or bimbo, as most of us would call these breed of humans). she has blossomed (kinda) since those bardot years. but her role in the movie is just too trashy. she spoofs paris hilton's carls jr burger ad and has to french some fat messy sloppy guy at the end. yuck.

though it's titled 'date movie', please don't bring your girlfriends for this. she might give you that look of disgust, or worse, slap you. but that's assuming your girlfriend's the intellectual type.

money, honey or both

with ORD comes other responsibilities, and in this case the responsibilities are me, myself and i. i have to look for a job to support my spending. yes, my spending, not my life, thankfully. that's what my parents are for.

being unemployed gives me this feeling of helplessness; no money, no honey, no talk. so i must get a job soon. i am resolute!

i have decided that i won't be picky. i'll work for money, honey or both. i have no qualms. right now, i have just two lobangs. two shaky, measly ones.

hopefully by the end of next week, i'll be an office slave, roughing it out during lunch hours and rush hours with the office demons. what an insightful peek into my future.

secretary

this a film that i've wanted to watch for a very long time.

almost everyone in this movie has issues. mental ones. here, Edward (james spader) takes a peek at Lee (maggie gyllenhaal). that look just gives me the creeps.

SECRETARY shot maggie gyllenhaal to fame. she's not too pretty if you ask me, but i have to say she's damn cute. and girly too. with a sweet voice.

i loved the film; i laughed at the idiosyncrasies of the characters. it's defintely one of those that i'll remember. it moved from psychotic to quirky to erotic to psychotic again and finally, love. everybody loves happy endings. a very much welcomed break from the seriousness of oscar-movie season.

johor bahru bagus!

eh eh brothers and sisters...selamat selamat...

to celebrate my first official day of freedom and unemployment, i went to neighbouring JB yesterday. dirtier, messier and with worse air than singapore, but who cares? i wasn't there to sleep on the streets. i was there for, yes you know me well enough, shopping.

somehow i felt very carolyn-like. yes carol, remember the year of 2004? i almost got you a t-shirt with the words 'bum of the year' on it. for those not in the know, she didn't do anything for the entire year. well almost, besides sleeping at home, reading harry potter (yuck!) and hanging around orchard so much that you would have mistaken her for one of those irritating students who ask you for surveys/donations/opinions/promotions/flyers/money/honey. and don't worry carol, i won't upstage your royal bum-ness. my idle time only lasts till mid-june.

check out what i had for lunch: (clockwise from top-left) sesame fried chicken, curry powder pork, my brother, tofu, prawn omelete. for three poeple, it's really quite a lot of food. but i was in the mood. i as ravenous.

tada! i managed to finish everything, including my bro. i felt like a pig, but all that food energised me. i was psyched for the shopping that lay ahead of me.

well well, i didn't eat my bro after all. he tried on a v-neck tee with a neckline that plunged a bit too low. kinda reminds me of the tees at new urban male and the crowd they cater to.

pretty obvious what my favourite store is: F.O.S!
best deal of the year so far: ralph lauren polo tees at RM89.90. one-for-one. beat that!

the hello-kitty queue had extended itself across the causeway. the only difference is that the people in JB prefer to queue in their vehicles; air-con, comfy seats, radio, and you can take your entire family along. so why not?

the obfuscation of mimi

mariah's biggest assets are her boob...er...lungs. and how best to flash...er, flaunt them, i mean. apparently, different cultures have different ways of appreciating her assets.
top row: US album releases.
bottom row: saudi album releases.
you draw the comparisons.

let's just feel lucky that mariah's not conservative, if not there'll be nothing much to see...um, hear.

ORD loh!

yes here it is. finally.

and in traditional SAF fashion, i shall say it:
ORD LOH!


a typical day at the office. clockwise from bottom-left: 3SG Choo, 3SG Cheng, CPL Suherman (superman), LCP Terence Tsai (milk; because he's white as milk. he bathes his hands and face in milk too. moonlights as a bank account manager with 3 accounts to his name) and LCP Khairul Ashab (gay-boy). oh, there's one person not in the picture and definitely not in the office anymore: MR Daniel Tan.

ORD loh!

awake the butterfly and break the chrysalis

the chrysalis breaks today. the butterfly crawls out of his miserable prison, never forgetting that he was once deprived of freedom of mind, body and soul inside. basking in the sunlight, he spreads his colourful wings for the first time. time changes everything; and his maturity is evidence of the trials and tribulations he faced while trapped in the cell. finally, he is able to enjoy his freedom again. he flies away into the distance, not knowing what the future holds, but looking forward to everything that comes his way with great excitement and anticipation.

the time has come. my time has come.

*nEoPrInT MaNiA!!!*

i'm slightly embarrassed, but since we all hadn't done it in a super long time, we just had to. these were taken some time back, but i only just had the time to scan them in.

*nEoPrInTzZz!* - CLUB CHIC rawks!
there you have it, the most tW1T-ish few moments of my life.
super KAWAII!

the three-more-day itch

after a friday duty in camp yet again, i sat in the cab pondering my unplanned future as my duffel bag bounced in the boot behind. by tuesday, i will be officially unemployed. i will be jobless. gasp.

not that i've been working my entire life. i've been a student for most of the time until army kicked the sanguine boy outta me and exposed me to real life. a real, harsh, disillusioned life. so i take my official bum status in good light. i take it as new-found freedom. you can say i'm a born-again free soul.

as the days go by, i look forward to ORD ever more eagerly. i'm like a butterfly struggling to get out of its chrysalis, pushing harder with every passing second, with extra energy and enthusiam each time. if you ever spot a butterfly in its process of emancipation, do not aid it in slicing the cocoon. the butterfly is meant to struggle, if not it'll never be strong enough to fight for its own survival in the outside world. so just stand aside and watch me crawl (yes, time seems to crawl now) to my ORD, for i will get out of my chrysalis with greater strength and will power than ever.

i will miss my friends though. hey people, good bye and good luck!

boobs for dudes

a little-known fact: Did you know men have breast tissue and milk ducts, and CAN produce milk under the right conditions?

i can hardly believe it. i'll never look at my chest the same way again.

i don't think i can link arnold schwarzenegger or sylvester stallone with breast feeding although their huge pecs would do a c-cup bra justice on any given day. let's hope Mcdonald's re-released milkshakes have nothing to do with mr ronald mcdonald's rediscovery of his mammaries.

bangkok epilok

the trip was fantastic! the only regrets i have was not staying there longer to visit the shrines, temples and monuments. and more shopping at the pratunam market.

this trip would not be possible without clarence. he booked everything, from air ticlets to accommodation. although he isn't much of a shopper or clubber, he should be given an A1 on travel buddy grading. full marks for patience. and here's a bonus: he nags too! if you can't take a parent along for your trip, get him instead. he'll keep your feet on the ground.

thanks buddy!

supper in bed

day three. stomachs filled with a heavy breakfast at the hotel restaurant, we whizzed off for mega-shopping at chatuchak weekend market. woohoo!

this being a shopping trip and not a sight-seeing one, we knew photo opportunities were few and far between. the chatuchak park was good enough. as though we don't have enough parks in singapore already.

but notice the sky. it was far from rainy that day. in fact, the sweltering heat forced me to deck myself in a singlet, shorts and slippers. i felt like one of the thai homies for a day. ok, back to the sky. it's so grey because of the air pollution. seriously. it's almost perpetually hazy all year round at the busy districts.

with 15000 stalls, chatuchak weekend market is one of the largest in asia. from striped tees to jeans to beads and accessories to food to candles to ornaments to textiles to chickens (yikes! bird flu!) and puppies, you can find almost anything there. and if you ask me, it kicks ass! totally. we didn't need lunch. the sights and sounds of the bustling market were enough to fuel us. the downside: it's super hot and stuffy inside. luckily i heeded the warning from ben hong and brought water along.

it was near impossible to visit every stall. it was overwhelming to browse them at the rate we were going. it's a wonder how we managed to stay on our feet for that long.

done with dinner, we went back to our room early to wash up and prepare for a night out in town. oh yeah. somehow we both fell asleep. i woke up in a daze some time later. i was hoping i didn't miss the clubbing hours. clock displayed '09.45'. the timing was just right! talk about luck.

now wide awake, i literally dragged clarence outta his dreamland. he's allergic to alcohol, but that's no reason not to club. i could tell he was completely and utterly reluctant.

on our way to the lift lobby, i felt an evil presence behind this door. the number said it all. i wasn't about to find out who stayed there, so we took a quick picture and fled to bed supperclub, the hottest nightspot in town. after all the hype from rachel, ben hong and even lik sin, i had to party there.

i noticed three funky people from across the room. they were on the same flight as us and stayed at the same hotel. and now they were at the supperclub too? coincidence is a really mild word to use to use here.

so, introducing the friendly and fun people, from left, sonia, boon and raymond. they ordered food and let me freeload. how nice.

i started sharing a bottle of chivas with them. clarence predicted trouble. i predicted fun and games. we were both right.

clarence tried his best to smile. "what's so great about this place?", he quipped. aw, shuttup.

it was clear he wasn't enjoying himself. standing there, sipping his wholesome glass of coke and looking bored without any alcohol coursing through his veins, i couldn't blame him.

the other room only opened at 11.30. curiosity killed the cat, but i knew i was far from getting killed over here. i needed to check it out.

over there, they got beds! no sofas, just beds. so comfy! everyone was lying down and snuggling up on the pillows while house music blared. uber-cool.


the ang moh robot man! he tried his best to sizzle on the platform with his jerky dance moves. it turned out to be pretty hilarious. nice try doode.

in my slight drunkeness, i plonked myself on the sofa and started taking pictures.

if you can't find a good outfit, put on some whacky headgear. or at least that's what this bunch were trying to tell us.

the lady's feathered crown was sexy, but the two guys' arabian hats didn't do their clothes much favour.

sonia and boon were high on their alcohol. i had just about as much as them. sonia insisted on us downing it all by the glasses. i was game. maybe a little bit too game; i was downing all the alcohol faster than them. woozy by now, the artistic savant in me took control. my sneakers were glowing in the light. i snapped away. this shot turned out pretty well.

by 1.30, the music stopped, the lights were on. shucks. clubbing curfew in bangkok was at 1.

a quarter-bottle of chivas was brewing in my belly, and besides the dizziness, i wasn't affected much. i could walk down the steps without any support. making our way back by cab, i remembered the two girls were uttering nonsense. raymond was surprisingly reticent. we were all drunk and wasted.

i was feeling energetic and happy. call it an unnatural high. it was fun. really.

back at the hotel, it wasn't so fun. luckily clarence fell asleep fast. he didn't have to witness me rolling on the toilet floor. everything was spinning non-stop. soon, my stomach followed suit. i began wondering why my vision only rotated clockwise and not any other way. i puked six times in two waves, three times each. my abdominal muscles crammed. the toilet bowl was my friend.

getting drunk was definitely an experience. getting high was amazing. puking was enlighteningly gross. i can't wait till i try weed in usa. but in the meantime, if anyone of you see sonia, boon or raymond on the streets, do help me say 'hi' to them. and get their contact numbers. i realised i didn't even ask for their contacts. stupid me. that was my only regret on a night of sheer partying.


day four. i woke up feeling hyper-energetic, even after all that drinking and clubbing the previous night. no headaches, no hangover. nothing. i then realised that i've been blessed with a gift: the gift of drinking.
the same can't be said of clarence. haha!

SUPER PUSSY!

dinner taken, bags of of goodies in hand, we took to the skies. skytrain, at least. our destination: patpong road. bangkok's busiest district at night. the official map of bangkok describes it as 'the main entertainment district at night'. we have a better name for it though. red light district.

clarence was there to look at the bargains in the night market. i was there for an eye-opener. don't worry, it didn't turn out to be a zip-opener. my jeans are button fly, by the way.

there were many bars on that stretch but one caught my eye for an obvious reason.

for all of you who can't see the neon sign in the background, here's the bigger picture.

SUPER PUSSY!

i peeped into the bars and saw what i needed to. no nudity of course. not everything's free.

in a typical bar, there's loud music, usually techno. there's a stage, poles and prostitutes dancing around the poles. clad in just their undies, there were so many of them squeezed up on the stage, they had to share the poles while dancing. there weren't enough customers to go around. every ang moh could end up having the orgy of his life if he had the cash.

surprisingly, the girls looked in good shape. toned. no fat, sloppy, ugly ones. i guess it's hard to survive in the business.

the touts along the street were promoting their 'sex shows'. "yao bu yao kan biao yan?", one even asked me in fluent chinese. they held up small cards with a list of acts that the people in the sex show would perform:

• pussy ping pong
• pussy with bottle cap
• pussy with needle

i shuddered. there were more, but i couldn't remember, either out of disgust or i didn't really take a good look at the cards.

needless to say, i didn't go for the shows. i associate the female anatomy with mystery (although sex education in biology class dispelled much of this mystery) and beauty. i wasn't in a hurry to spoil this perception of mine.